Field Research
by Thorncastor
Summary: Where Garrus is lacking in information, Shepard is more than willing to provide. FemShep/Garrus.
1. Orientation: Expect Little Sleep

**A/N:** Just something fun and light-hearted that started off as a what-if plot. Time frame would be shortly after the discussion on "reach and flexibility."

**Disclaimer:** Mass Effect and its hot aliens do not belong to me. Though it's probably for the best. The things I'd make them do…

* * *

**Field Research**

Orientation: Expect Little Sleep

* * *

Garrus Vakarian was restless. And when he was restless, he paced.

He paced back and forth along the length of the main battery. Head tossing back and forth like a caged varren while his shoulders jerked as though shrugging off some invisible weight. There was a kink in his back, a sharp pain that dug into him like shrapnel. He brought it into scope, using the sensation to focus his jumbled thoughts. He knew it was partially psychosomatic; a pain that only surfaced when he was reconsidering. It was... what was that expression humans used when describing something unfavorable? Oh right.

It sucked.

Garrus was never one for reconsidering. Not only was it less satisfying than letting his instincts take over, there was a veritable lack of control that made his exoplating feel as vulnerable as saran wrap. At least his instincts gave the impression that he was actually doing something as opposed to sitting on his ass, hamstrung by indecision. As far as he was concerned, reconsidering was a practice reserved for the likes of his father and C-Sec. He had turned his back on both in the past two years. Strange how he only reconsidered his actions when Shepard was around.

Or in this case, when the subject he'd been reconsidering _was_ Shepard.

She had caught him off guard. Surprised him with unfamiliar tactics. She had been coy, teasing, suggestive. She got him going about some entanglement with a recon scout, lulling him into a false sense of security before shooting him at point-blank range with a come-hither look and hormonally charged metaphors. Saying things like "why don't we skip right to the tie breaker" and "we could test your reach…and my flexibility."

If it were anyone else, he'd be asking where the hidden cambots were. Or maybe the acid fumes from the forward batteries had finally gotten to him.

Then he began to register that Shepard was serious.

Dead serious. No pun intended. And no, he wasn't hallucinating. She actually meant that she wanted to…he couldn't even bring himself to think it, let alone say it. But despite his bewilderment, he played his cards cool.

Sort of.

"Well, why the hell not?" he had said.

And yea, why the hell not?

Actually after watching a barrage of demonstration vids and skimming over diagrams of basic human anatomy, there were a lot of why-the-hell-nots, mixed in with a good bit of what-the-hell-were-you-thinkings. He didn't like to give himself too much credit, but given how more…susceptible the human body was, he was certain that whatever kind of cross-species intercourse they'd have would end in several bone fractures and torn ligaments. He wasn't kidding when he said turians prepped for high-risk operations with violence, and he wasn't sure how much of that the commander understood.

_Or maybe she did and that's why she asked…._

Damn, he needed to blow off more steam than he thought.

The vids and diagrams he pawned off the salarian were clearly no help there. As informative as they were, their contents were about as sexy as a mid-academy biology course. The details on positions and gestures like kissing or petting aroused nothing save more doubt. Turians didn't traditionally kiss or pet. Unless Shepard had a secret fetish for flesh removal.

His grimaced. Or the turian equivalent thereof.

It was all too much. He was in way over his head. Rather than compromise his dignity and his friendship with Shepard, it would be better if he just called the whole thing off. He'd tell her that they were being irrational and that it would be better if she found someone else...preferably someone who wouldn't cause internal bleeding.

The kink beneath his shoulder blade throbbed more acutely. It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? They were just too different. It wouldn't work. And yet, imagining Shepard with someone else- even if that someone was more compatible -didn't feel right or comforting.

It just plain sucked.

* * *

He didn't know how long he had been standing outside the captain's cabin, frozen in his tracks like a coward in a line of fire. He did know, however, that he was about to give up before one of his talons brushed the call button by mistake. Idiot. Briefly he considered running off in a blind panic before the sound of rustled bed sheets and soft footfalls caught his attention.

Kate Shepard leaned against the steel doorframe, dark hair slightly mussed and grey eyes wincing under the fluorescent lighting of the hallway. The bathrobe she was wearing slipped from her shoulder, revealing a smooth plain of skin that magnetized attention. The bathrobe itself fell just above her thighs, piquing his imagination against its will. It was probably none of his business, but he supposed the chances of her wearing anything underneath were about as slim as her waistline and…

Why was he here again?

"Garrus?" She squinted. Then smirked. "Need me for something?"

Oh, right.

"Have you got a minute?"

"Sure." She stretched, the bathrobe hiking up her tanned calves. "Just killing time anyway. You know, sleeping."

Crap. At what point did he lose track of time?

"Come in," she said, eliminating his chance to apologize or argue.

He rallied himself. "Thanks."

He followed her in, forcing his eyes to unlatch themselves from her hips. He didn't know where she bought that bathrobe, but it had that wily look of contraband that roused his instincts to seize and confiscate. An image ran unbidden across his mind…of him undoing the sash, the black silk gliding down her body in one grand flourish.

"Guess I'll change into something more comfortable. It figures that you'd barge in on me naked."

"Shepard!" Blood rushed underneath his plating. "Wait… you walk around your cabin naked?"

She looked down. "Well technically, I'm half-naked. But usually I go full on." She picked out a thread. "Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?"

An awkward beat.

"I'm kidding."

"Oh right. Of course you were," he said in a pitch he hoped was reasonable.

"I'll go grab my uniform," she said, disappearing into the bathroom, "Lighten up, would you?"

"Yea, Garrus. Lighten up," he thought disparagingly. "Friends talk about being naked around each other all the time."

She returned wearing one of the Cerberus outfits. A part of him couldn't help mourn the loss.

"So, what did you want to tell me?"

_That wearing that bathrobe should be illegal and that I should arrest you for being very naughty. _

He coughed, attempting to block out the sound of his inner pervert.

"Ah, I've been thinking about what we talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension. I've never really considered-"

"What's wrong with your side?"

"Huh?"

"You're kind of leaning on it in a weird way."

"Oh." He shifted his weight to his other side. "It's just this back thing. No big deal. Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was-"

"How long have you had that?"

"Since last night. Damn it, Shepard. I'm trying to tell you something."

She fixed him with a stern look. "You can tell me in a minute. Get on the bed and sit forward."

He sighed. "Apparently, this is turning into the exact_ opposite_ of what I wanted to do so-"

"Relax. I'm just going give you a backrub." She mimicked him. "No big deal."

"Look, I appreciate the offer but-"

"That wasn't an offer. That was an order. Now get into bed before I pull rank on you."

_Yes ma'am! _

"Well, since you asked so nicely," he said in a tone he hoped was sarcastic.

He moved over to the bed, eyes shifting guiltily at the unmade sheets. He really should have waited until morning to have this talk, but once again his impatience clouded his judgment. Now he was trapped in his commander's bedroom, falling prey to her influence while it became increasingly more difficult to remember what he wanted to talk about in the first place.

Good call, Vakarian. Good call.

He sank into the edge of the mattress and felt it dip further as Shepard joined him.

"Why couldn't I just sit in your chair?" He asked over hunched shoulders.

"You're huge," she said, kneeling behind him. "You would've broken it."

"No I wouldn't. Argh!"

She had poked him. "Found it. Now seriously, relax."

"You are aware that you're talking to a turian? Ow!"

She had poked him again. "Shh. Just focus on something else for now- like calibrating."

He snorted. "Oh yea, baby. Calibrating always puts me in the mood." He jerked his head nervously towards her. "I mean that jokingly of course. And the 'baby' part was a reflex. Totally not a come on."

"Yea-huh."

"Just thought I'd clarify."

"Whatever, _baby_."

She ran her hands across his back, the heels of her palms creating long, deep strokes that resonated even through his thick skin. He tensed as he felt her drift along the ridges of his spinal column, making her way up to the base of his carapace then down again to the small of his back. There were so many things wrong with this picture. A subordinate fraternizing with his commander wasn't necessarily a capital offense, but it had the potential to jeopardize the mission and he couldn't afford to do that. Not when he screwed up so many things already. He shouldn't even be enjoying this. It felt dirty and not in a good way. Alright maybe a little. But regardless, he should tell her to stop. Why couldn't he tell her to stop?

_And, oh sweet spirits…_

A preternatural light burned from her fingertips as she kneaded small circles into the interior part of his shoulder. He felt his muscles slacken into jelly as that warm electrical pulse beat and fluttered across the plains of his ribcage, soothing his nerves with dark energy. As the tension bled from his near-paralyzed body, he came to the glazed conclusion that biotics…biotics were…

"Nice kitty."

"Hm?"

"Nothing. You're just, ah, very vocal."

The ridges over his brow plate furrowed but he let it slide, choosing to thank her instead. "That was…um…"

"You're welcome."

She removed her hands, picking herself off the bed. His eyes trailed after her as she slid onto the couch, becoming more conscious of the fact that with the loss of warmth came the loss of resolve. Great. He was right back where he started. Suddenly, he couldn't look at her. He dropped his gaze to the floor.

"I think you need to vacuum."

She paused as if deliberating. "Well, it's not exactly the urgent message I expected, but yea I'll get right on it."

"What? No, that's not what I... Look-"

"Garrus." She leaned in. A genuine note of concern resounding through her voice. "Is there something wrong?"

"Is there something wrong?" He echoed. "Yea, you could say that."

She waited for him to continue.

"What I meant to say is that I think…we're wrong."

An icy chill descended on the room.

"….oh."

He elaborated.

"It's not that I don't find you attractive. I mean you are. For a human, anyway. It's just…" His shoulders slumped. Defeated. "Shepard, it's obvious that we're not the most compatible in terms of physiology. There hasn't been a lot of… interspecies coupling between turians and humans and maybe- maybe there's a good reason for that. It's not the safest thing, for one. Certainly not something they covered in basic training… and of course, I wouldn't want to hurt our friendship. Our friendship is the most important-"

"Garrus. It's okay."

He found himself caught somewhere between incredulity and… incredulity.

"It is?"

"I understand." A minute, but reassuring smile. "I'm not going to pretend that I'm not disappointed, but I wouldn't want to hurt our friendship either. And like you said, we are very different."

"Oh. Good." He should have felt relieved. Instead, he only felt more unsure. "This is…. This is good. I guess." He rubbed his knees, at a loss for what to say next. "Hey, if you want you can pretend this never happened. I wouldn't want things to be weird between us."

"I asked you to sleep with me. I don't think it gets any weirder than that."

"I…uh..."

"Don't worry about it." She grinned. "I wouldn't want things to be weird between us either."

"Oh. Glad to hear it, commander."

Another awkward beat.

"It would have been fun though," she said.

"Really? You think so?"

Somehow he didn't think the high probability of chafing would be a fun prospect for Shepard. He was amazed that she even thought about it that way.

"If you did your research, then you'd know that human adaptability doesn't just apply to our military doctrine. Some of us are very open to exploring options with other races. Even if they do come with complications."

"No offense, Shepard. But if you did _your _research, then you'd know that those complications include the possibility of toxic shock syndrome. Not exactly a turn on for most people."

"Well, you know me." She crossed her legs. "I like to live a little dangerously."

"Right." A nervous chuckle. "So…it's pretty late. I should get going."

"Goodnight, Garrus."

"Goodnight, Shepard. Thanks again. For everything."

"I'm always here if you need me."

He made his way towards the door, feeling tired and confused while Shepard's odd silence bored in on him. He made the right decision, didn't he? No. He couldn't second-guess himself; he'd been over this. The alternative presented too many risks, too many complications, too many staggering odds. He had already played that game. C-Sec, Omega, Sidonis… not once did he come out a winner. Still, he had his doubts. It was times like this where he missed the good old days where more odds meant easier choices. It was an integral part of turian nature to take the route that unsettled the least dust. Then again, he hadn't always been a very good turian. And…and hadn't Shepard also taught him that playing against the odds was what made things more worthwhile?

He paused in mid-stride. "Shepard?"

"Hm?"

She stood up. Her quizzical expression staring back at him from the opposite side of the shelf that separated her office.

"Just for the sake of curiosity, what did you mean by 'exploring options' with other races?"

She tightened her bottom lip as she reflected on his question. Was she already thinking of its implications even though they both knew that he was still unsure? To her credit, she didn't miss a beat when she finally replied. He hadn't expected anything less from her.

"When I was talking about 'exploring options', I was thinking in terms related to turian intercourse. From what I gathered, the duration seems a lot shorter in comparison to humans ..."

"Hm, sounds clinical." He crossed his arms. "And frankly, a little insulting."

She rolled her eyes. "Let me finish. All I'm saying is that most turians would rather get in and get the job done than beat around the bush."

Unwittingly, he imagined a group of turians ganging up on a garden shrub.

"I'm sorry: 'beat around the bush'?"

"Turians don't do foreplay," she translated.

Oh.

_Oh._

"So what you're saying is that if we had… gotten together, then you would have…with me?"

"Yes, Garrus. I would have done many, many things with you. Or_ to_ you, depending on how you look at it."

That's funny. His mouth seemed a little drier than usual.

"Again, for curiosity's sake, what _sort_ of things would you have done?"

She raised a scarred eyebrow.

"Hypothetically speaking."

"Then 'hypothetically speaking' there was a lot I was considering. Mostly involving things that turians don't typically do, but not so foreign that it wouldn't be enjoyable."

Against his instincts, he prodded. "Such as?"

"I don't know. Bondage, maybe. I could tie you up, you could tie me up-"

_He roped the sash of her bathrobe around her mouth…_

"Toys. Roleplay. You can be the warden, I could be your prisoner-"

_He braced her wrists in ardantium steel cuffs…_

"Or if you wanted to try something more renegade, you can be a pirate, I could be your hostage-"

Was it just him or did the room get hotter?

"Or I could be the student and you could be the teacher-"

Seriously. Did the room just get hotter?

"Or we could be two officers aboard a terrorist-funded starship who get busy on the conference table while everyone watches."

"…"

"Which would _never _happen."

She was teasing him.

"It uh…," he cleared his throat, "It sounds like sex with humans depends on a lot of variables."

"Sex with humans isn't really all that complex. The build-up is more gradual, that's all. I mean, first base, second base, third. Homerun. Woo-hoo."

He stared at her blankly.

"It's a baseball metaphor."

"What's baseball?"

She waved it off. "Doesn't matter. Look, I know you turians like to get down to business, but sometimes it pays to take things slow. Basically, each base stands for a level of sexual intimacy that gets more intense as you go along."

That sounded a hell of a lot more interesting than anything he read in those pamphlets. He couldn't stop himself from asking.

"So…what does each base stand for?"

She shrugged. "Maybe if you change your mind later, you'll get to find out."

That's right. He had already made up his mind, hadn't he? Just like that, his crippling sense of awkwardness returned with a vengeance.

"You know, it's interesting how I didn't come across any of that in my research."

"Sometimes, you're better off figuring out stuff on your own." She yawned. "It's really late. We both need to get some sleep."

"Right." He stood back. "That's what I was doing. Leaving."

"Bye, Garrus."

He left without a backwards glance.

* * *

He made it about three steps across the hall before pausing at the elevator. Hesitation coursed through his veins as his thoughts began to race.

He thought about Shepard. About the way she casually blurted out her devious plans as though she were reading the nutritional values off the back of a milk carton. He thought about how he felt. About the way he couldn't stop thinking about the things that Shepard said and how they rattled his sex drive in the most treacherous ways. _And that goddamn bathrobe!_ But most of all, he thought about how Shepard took the time to seriously think about what he wanted, that she cared enough about his needs that she compromised her own so that he could feel unpressured, at ease. That gesture by itself…

He pressed the call button again. This time, intentionally. Shepard reappeared, still in her Cerberus uniform.

"So…," he rubbed the back of his neck, "You said something about tying each other up?"

A supremely smug expression dawned across her face. She folded her arms.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? You still need to learn the basics."

At that point, it looked like neither of them would get much sleep that night.

* * *

Up next: Shepard gives Garrus the run down of "the basics." And maybe vice versa. Awww yea.

Notes and References:

(1) Kate Shepard; a combination of the names Kate Austen and Jack Shephard. Both are characters from ABC television series, Lost.


	2. The Basics Part 1: Tongue and Cheek

**A/N:** You're all a bunch of sick, nasty, xenopervs…and that's why you rock my world. Much love all around, especially to those who were kind enough to leave a review- you're the reason why the second chapter is here. Also, please forgive the pop-culture anachronisms, but kudos if you can pick them out.

* * *

**Field Research**

The Basics Part 1: Tongue and Cheek

* * *

Joker was bored. And when he was bored, he pried.

But prying was such a strong word. It was more like, taking charge of his responsibilities as ace pilot to the most advanced starship in the galaxy. After all, Shepard entrusted him as her eyes and ears- and didn't monitoring the private surveillance feed count as eyeing and earing? These wily Cerberus ops were not to be trusted. Who knows what evil schemes Miranda might be plotting?

In the shower, for instance?

In fact, she could be in there right now, with Kelly, conspiring against the Commander as they…helped rub soap over each other's bodies. They might even go so far as to coerce other members of the crew, like Jack or Tali. His mind lingered on the scenario: Miranda, Kelly, Jack, Tali…being bad, getting wet, peeling off each other's clothes as they invited Shepard to come join them. Now t_here's_ your x-vid.

"Hello. What's this?"

He leaned into his terminal, zooming in to make sure that yes, that _was_ Garrus standing outside the captain's cabin at 0200 hours and wearing _civies _nonetheless. The turian looked nervous too; strutting up to the console that led to Shepard's quarters, stretching out his talons to reach for the call button, only to fall back as though he had changed his mind. What was he doing there so late last night?

EDI blinked into his periphery.

"Perhaps to make sure that Shepard's shower hadn't been compromised by internal conspirators."

"Huh?"

"I am merely adding to your conjecture regarding the Normandy's female crewmembers. Although I do not understand your reasoning," and here, Joker sensed an undercurrent of pretense, "you should know that the probability of an insurrection taking place in such quarters would be less than two point five per cent."

"Was I talking out loud again?"

"Yes," said Kelly as she strolled onto the bridge, a cup of coffee in hand. "But don't stop on account of me. I think it's healthy for men to express their physical urges."

"Really?" He tilted his hat as he surveyed the yeoman. "Then maybe later you and I could ah, 'express' our physical urges together?"

"Cute." She placed a hand on her hip. "Nice try, though."

"Do I get points for effort?"

She responded with a flat expression.

"So I'm a little rusty." He shrugged. "It's been awhile."

Kelly rolled her eyes. _Boys_.

EDI echoed her sentiment. "Your effort at being flirtatious was feeble, Mr. Moreau. If not futile."

"EDI," he warned.

The AI blipped out of sight.

"Here," said Kelly as Joker sighed irritably. "I thought you could use some coffee."

"Thanks. You could just set that by the terminal." Realization struck. He hadn't switched off his screen. "No wait! Don't!"

"Is that… Officer Vakarian?"

"No," said Joker, swiveling his chair to block her view.

"Yes it is," said Kelly, standing on tiptoe to look over his shoulder. "Are you spying on him?"

"I…." Well, she caught him. Was there even a real reason to deny it? "I was, actually."

"Can I join you?"

"I don't know," he began warily. "Spying on errant turians is kind of a private thing. You'll need a special invitation."

"I can sit on your lap."

"Gently, please. I'm very fragile."

* * *

Kissing was an odd human custom, thought Garrus.

But apparently, it was a very important one. At least according to the large, bold script of an extranet how-to pamphlet. (1)

_Your relationship depends on it!_

Not exactly a confidence booster. He shook his head.

The act itself seemed like such a spontaneous gesture: lips met, saliva was exchanged, pheromone receptors went into overdrive. Humans were such a widely diverse species, it amazed him that most of their cultures held this one expression in common. Women in particular seemed to place a special emphasis on their first kiss. Even Fornax claimed that they could learn everything they needed to know about their partner based on that single impression.

It was interesting to note how human men generally differed. For them, kissing wasn't so much a telegraph of the other person's feelings as it was the 'opening act'. Being undisputedly male himself, Garrus could understand that concept better. Was it too late to give Kaidan a call? Maybe he should consider kissing him instead. There'd be a lot less pressure.

He scrolled through more text, skimming through a dozen more techniques until he came across something called 'Frenching.' A picture popped open in a new window and he leaned his head to the side.

"Hm."

Human lips (if he remembered Mordin's diagrams correctly) contained a lot of nerves, which was what made kissing both popular and pleasurable. That was also the part that made him wince because seeing as how he had no lips, he could only imagine what his metallic skin and sharp teeth would do to Shepard's softer and more pliant tissue. But in this picture, he could see that both humans had their tongues intertwined. Now Garrus could appreciate the latter; turians could _definitely_ do that.

He read on.

_Are you nervous? Too nervous to kiss your partner like you really want to? _

Um. Sure?

_Act now and we'll send an additional five-part, eight-hour, demonstration vid for just half the cost!_

Who the hell needed an eight-hour demo on something that should only take a few minutes? Elcor?

_French kissing is an art. An art that can be so overpowering and wonderful if done right…but __completely wrong and annoying when done by an amateur._

Great.

_With our guide, you'll be able to learn the biggest turn offs, the biggest turn-ons and why you should be honest with yourself and your partner…_

He closed the window. Probably with more clicks than necessary.

That morning, he had planned to run some diagnostics on one of the weapon systems. Instead, he blew it off to read what could later be considered as blackmail. The moral lesson? He should have run those diagnostics into the ground. But he couldn't deny that something about last night compelled him to dig deeper and be more through in his research. If Shepard was promising him a good experience, then he owed to her to reciprocate.

But if he wanted to be 'honest' with himself, he still had his doubts.

It figured though, that he'd be the one to do all the worrying while Shepard didn't seem to be worried at all. In fact, she was more than willing to teach him all she knew. He thought that she might have done so last night but instead they just…talked. And to his surprise, it was…really nice. For the first time in a long time, his inner tension had raised a white flag, at least for those few moments.

She put him at ease by talking about how they would take things easy; take things slow; go at a pace wherehe felt comfortable. He had to admit, it was still a little unnerving to know that even through the screen of his bravado, Shepard was still able to tell what he needed apart from what he wanted. Even if he didn't always recognize it himself.

Sidonis came to mind...

But he pushed that dark thought aside.

Then again, that was why she was commander right? No matter the situation, she always knew what to do…even when the 'doing' in question involved a certain turian, he thought smugly.

He remembered reading somewhere that some humans could be just as patient as asari when it came to seducing their partners, the more experienced ones being particularly adept. They were 'the ones you have to watch out for' as the club saying went on Omega. Yet as manipulative (and sexy) as that sounded, he had to wonder if Shepard actually had a game plan or if Shepard was just being Shepard.

As the last hours of the cycle ebbed, she had nodded off. It felt odd just sitting on the edge the bed, staring at his superior officer while she hugged herself into the opposite corner. Wordlessly, he drew up the blanket over her shoulders and dragged himself towards the couch, his need for sleep overcoming his desire to head to his quarters and black out.

When he woke up the next morning, she wasn't there. She left him a message on his terminal saying that she had gone to do some recon with Thane. Not exactly the most heartwarming love note, and would it have killed her to at least draw him a little heart or a smiley face?

He sighed.

In the end, what it really all came down to was that he just…didn't know what he wanted. Or maybe he didn't yet understand what he wanted, because as reassuring as last night was, their conversation only seemed to underscore a long list of unresolved considerations. Like where would this _agreement _between them go? Was it even possible to head into a more serious direction? Did he want that? Would she? He wasn't really the type to sleep around, but the idea of engaging in casual sex with Shepard felt…not wrong, but it didn't feel right either.

He sagged against his terminal. "I have to stop thinking."

"Good idea. Thinking gives you wrinkles. Your face can't afford that."

"Shepard." The turian lifted his head. "I could say the same to you."

She smirked, then leaned to the side as she gazed intently at something behind him.

"What's this?" She came closer, arms folded as a gamine expression lit her features. "The Tao of Kissing: The Alien's Ultimate Guide?"

"Uh, obviously, I was just holding this for..." He searched for a name.

"Grunt?"

"Sure," he said, going along with her mock suggestion.

"Uh-huh." She read further. "Instantly arouse your partner with one simple French kissing technique.... always keep your partner interested in kissing you and _only_ you… keep your partner satisfied and feeling good…how sweet. I didn't know Grunt could be so sensitive."

"Yea, what a guy," he said. "In fact, I think I'll go congratulate him."

He beelined for the nearest exit.

"Garrus, wait."

She pressed her hand against his chest.

"This," she stifled a laugh. "Well aside from being really funny, no one's ever…it actually is very sweet."

"Thanks," he said tenuously. "Am I done being emasculated now?"

"Not quite."

"Thought so."

She closed the distance between them, the hand that was still on his chest sliding lower…

"Didn't I tell you that it's better to find things out on your own? I mean there's only so much the extranet can tell you."

He grew warmer as her other hand circled around his waist, her nimble fingers coasting around the jut of his hips.

"Oh yea?" His voice dropped an octave lower. "Like what?"

She caught the zipper of his suit, pressing herself fully against him as she tugged it down, exposing the sharp ridges of his broad chest.

"I think it'd be better if I showed you."

* * *

"You know," began Joker. "For someone who's maybe like four feet high, you'd think you'd be a lot lighter in outer space."

"Oh, ha _ha_," said Kelly as she readjusted herself in his lap, her green eyes fixated on the screen. "Look it's-" she blinked. "Commander Shepard?"

"_Nice_," he said, surveying the bathrobe. _  
_

"Joker, that's our commanding officer."

"Hey, if she were here, she'd take it as a compliment. Besides, don't all women like it when you tell them they're hot?"

"That's a dirty stereotype. I mean,_ I_ happen to be one of those women, but that doesn't mean-"

He pointed. "Garrus went in."

"He did?"

The screen dissolved into static.

"What happened?"

He reached around her to grab hold of the terminal. Multiple windows popped up in place of the surveillance feed.

"Cameras are shut off during the night within personal quarters. It's one of the truces I made with EDI," he said, albeit regretfully. "We're not going to get anything visual, but if I tweak around, we may be able to hear some audio…"

"We probably shouldn't," said Kelly.

"Yea. You're right. This is a bad idea."

"And yet your fingers are still moving over the keyboard."

"You can stop me at any time."

"God, we're both horrible people," she lamented.

"I won't tell if you won't," he replied, making the yeoman groan. "There we go."

Out of the fog of static came a few scratches of conversation, the words hissing through like blunt whispers.

"_So, what did you want to tell me?" _

"_Ah, I've been thinking about what we talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension. I've never really considered-" _

"Can you alter your amp settings?" said Kelly.

Joker rolled his eyes. "Alright, who's the one espionaging? Me or you?"

"Shh!"

"_Look, I appreciate the offer but-"_

"_That wasn't an offer. That was an order. Now get into bed before I pull rank on you."_

Static.

"_Well, since you asked so nicely…" _

More static.

"Oh my God."

"Oh my _God,"_ Kelly echoed.

An odd rumbling soon followed.

Joker frowned. "What's that? Sounds like someone's walking over gravel."

He glanced at Kelly, growing suspicious at her slightly reddened complexion.

"That's um, a turian growl. Or purr," she began timidly.

_Wait a minute_,thought Joker,_ timidl_y?

She elaborated.

"The nerves in their voice boxes activate signals that cause a vibration in the vocal cords while the diaphragm acts like a piston pump. They do that when they're uh, experiencing some kind of pleasure stimulant."

His face contorted as he considered the implications behind Big Bad Garrus purring. "Gross. Hang on, how would _you _know this?"

"From my cousin, Jenna. She lives on the Citadel with her turian boyfriend. They actually met right before the geth attack. You know, they're thinking of getting engaged." (2)

"She's dating a turian? Isn't that like- you know, I don't even have a word for that."

She shrugged. "You can't help who you end up liking."

"So you actually think Shepard and Garrus are…?"

"Well, we can't actually _see_ what's going on," said Kelly, "So we can't draw any definite conclu-"

A loud moan. A very loud, _male_ moan.

"Quick! Turn it off!"

Joker fumbled for the mute button, pounding it as though it could pound out the heinous visuals running through his mind. He wasn't questioning his commander's taste, but imagining her doing the down and dirty with anyone that wasn't say, Miranda or Tali, wasn't exactly _his_ pleasure stimulant. He paused to take a breath.

"This is so frickin'weird."

"We can't tell anyone," Kelly entreated.

"That Garrus is Shepard's new manimal cracker? Agreed."

"Joker, I'm being serious."

"Can't tell anyone what?"

The pair turned around to see Gabby and Donnelly standing behind them, both sporting identically bemused expressions.

"Uh…"

* * *

"So here are some ground rules," said Shepard.

It couldn't have been more strange, thought Garrus. There he was, locked down in the main battery, his armor partially removed, his bodysuit partially unzipped, and his superior straddling his waist as she backed him into the pull-out cot where he, until now, spent his nights alone. From his vantage point, her legs- her thighs especially- looked strong and supple, making him itch to test their flexibility. But instead he sat perfectly still, not touching her, unsure of what she wanted while yearning to act on what he wanted.

"One, clothes stay on."

He watched with curious eyes as her fingers tugged down the zipper of her own uniform, exposing the barest hint of cleavage. Slowly, she drew a line across the length of his forearm and up the side of his neck before pausing at his mouth. She locked her hard gaze with his and he resisted the urge to lick the pads of her fingertips.

"Two, anything you want to do with your tongue stays from here…," she brought his talon to the curve of her throat and down to the center of her chest, "…to here.

"Yea…I'm not really good with restrictions."

She batted his claws away from her zipper. "At ease, soldier."

"Hn. Whatever happened to 'Oooh Garrus, humans are super adaptable and open with other races'?

"Okay, first off. You're impression of me? Atrocious. And second." she shifted so that her upper body rose over him, her hips barely brushing his as she wound her arms around his shoulders. "I've thought about what I said and realized that I was only partially right. Do you actually know what happens to the human body during sex?" (3)

"I'm not really good with pop quizzes either."

She obliged him.

"The pupils dilate, arteries constrict, temperature rises, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere while secretions spit out of every gland while the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight."

"That sounds-"

"Violent," she said. "Ugly. Messy." She voice grew huskier, and damn if he didn't find himself getting turned on in the worst way. "But if it wasn't so _unbelievably_ fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Human men are lucky to get one orgasm, but did you know that human women can orgasm for up to an hour?"

"An hou…really?"

"And if you learned to push the right buttons, then maybe you could…"

Imagining Shepard caught in the heat of a climax for hours at a time made his body taut and his throat constrict. Sex between turians was just as she had described: quick and to the point. But when she mentioned words like "violent," "ugly," and "messy," it became a single thread of commonality that roused something deep and primal. Suddenly, it seemed less important that she was human now that he knew that their urges mirrored one another, bridging between the gap between their species.

But when the softness of Shepard's lips began to brush the hard scales of his neck, he pulled away; his self-consciousness lancing through the hot blur of his thoughts. The mirage was lost, and everything became too real. This was actually happening.

"Trust me," she said. "You'll like it."

"Except for the fact that I can't really…"

Shepard didn't relent.

"You know the one thing I hate about romance vids?" she said. "It's that they don't capture the awkwardness of the first kiss. In fact, nine times out of ten, if either person has never kissed before, it actually kind of sucks. You bump noses, scrape teeth, things might get caught and don't even get me started on the drooling. Personally, I like the way turians do it. There's less room for mistakes."

"You mean forehead to forehead?"

He tensed and she pressed her cool skin to his.

It was too surprising, too intimate a moment to be shared between friends.

And yet…

"Shepard….I…"

"Shh," she stroked his crest with the smoothness of her brow. "No more talking…just let me touch you."

And he let her.

* * *

"Well, this is random," said Joker. "What are you two basement dwellers doing up here?"

"Basement dwellers?" said Donnelly. "We're engineers."

"You say tomato. I say to-ma-to."

"Despite the common misbelief, we actually _do_ come up for air once in awhile," said Gabby. "And if you must know, we're here to ask if you've seen the Commander. She said she might have found a special coupling on her last trip to Omega."

"You could say that again," muttered Joker before Kelly jabbed his side.

"So what's this about Shepard and Vakarian?" said Donnelly, getting the conversation back on point.

"Oh, you mean how they're friends and nothing more?" said Kelly.

"Or how they're steaming it up in the forward batteries like it was the back of the Titanic?"

"Joker!"

The expression in Kelly's eyes read, "Now is that _not _telling anyone _ever_?!"

Regardless, he threw her a pointed look. Because oddly enough, the engineers didn't even seem that phased. On the surface at least.

"Riiight," said Gabby. "Nice one, Joker."

Kelly blinked. Did they actually think Joker was…joking?

And yet she couldn't help noting the mildly suspicious glimmer in Donnelly's eyes. Gabby, on the other hand, continued goading.

"No offense Joker, but Donnelly would do you before Shepard does Garrus."

"Phhst. I would do Grunt before I do Donnelly," replied the pilot.

"Oh please. Grunt would do Thane _and _Mordin before he'd do you."

"Kelly!"

"Interesting," said Donnelly. "Care to make a friendly wager?"

"Um I, for one, vote_ against_ the alien orgy."

"Now, now Gabby. Men are talking. Urg!"

It was amazingly satisfying to see Donnelly get sucker-punched by someone half his size, thought Joker.

"So what kind of wager, Scotty?"

Said 'Scotty' regained his composure…and the air in his lungs.

"I was," a strained breath, "thinking that maybe you'd like to bet on whether the Commander and Vakarian really _are_ together."

A brief exchange of glances between the pilot and the yeoman.

"What are the terms?" said Joker.

"I'm willing to bet my manly dignity that you lot are hiding something. If I'm right, and Shepard and Vakarian are together then you," he looked at Joker, "have to confess your deep-seeded, but long-hidden feelings for Grunt and _beg_ him for one night of blissful passion. In front the entire crew, of course."

It was a credit to his schooling that Joker had one of the best poker faces back in the Alliance. Contrary to what his insides were doing, his facial expression barely flinched.

"And what if Shepard and Vakarian aren't together?"

"Then I'll confess _my_ deep-seeded, long-hidden feelings for Thane."

"How come I get Grunt and you get the Drell version of Jude Law?" (4)

"Fair enough. In either case, we'll both ask Grunt."

They shook hands.

"As horrible as this whole thing sounds, it might actually turn out to be interesting," said Gabby. She turned to the yeoman. "Don't you think?"

Kelly hid a nervous twitch. "Sure will."

* * *

Kissing wasn't so hard, thought Garrus. Quite the opposite really, considering that he didn't have to do much. In fact, Shepard had made it a point that he not move at all unless she said otherwise. And despite the lack of control, it felt good.

Really good.

"Close your eyes," she whispered.

She angled his face and kissed him tentatively. Chaste and simple. Closed-mouthed and clipped. Sensing his approval, she grazed over the blue markings on one side of his face before switching to the scarred, cauterized tissue of the other. And despite the extensive nerve damage, a hot burn coursed through his body. His breath hitched as she pressed her lips to the crown of his brow plate while her fingers ran through the tips of his fringe. When her tongue drew lightly across his mouth, he parted his jaw. Their tongues intertwined and he marveled at how she tasted- wet, salty and slightly sweet. Fleetingly, he wondered if she would taste the same in other places and the thought set off an electric thrill.

"You know, this isn't so bad," he said as she guided his arms around her waist.

"You're not so bad yourself," she said as she moved to lick the hard scales dotting the side of his neck. "It'd be even better if you weren't so nervous."

"Can you blame me?" he said as he gripped her. "Even though it's locked, anyone can bypass the security on that door and walk in on us."

"So let 'em watch."

"And give them a free pass to Aliens Gone Wild? No thanks. I'd rather charge."

He urged her to go a little rougher this time, pushing his tongue against the flatness of her teeth. The heat of their breath mingled as she sucked him in with surprising strength.

"Did you know…that the tongue…is one of the strongest muscles in the human body?"

"Interesting," he said. Odd too, considering human tongues seemed much shorter in length and smoother in texture. "I'd say the same for turians, but my strongest muscle sure isn't in my mouth."

He could feel her smile against him.

It was getting increasingly more difficult to keep his hands from jump to other places. But Shepard didn't seem to mind when he began to wander along the expanse of her back, the inside of her arms, the thick strands of her hair…

"Mmm," she said, as he combed his talons through it. He made a note of it for future reference.

"You know," he began, heatedly, "Speaking of getting caught, this actually reminds me of the time where me and this intel officer were caught in a… precarious situation outside the dormitories of the Academy. She and I were suspended for two weeks. My dad kicked my ass hard."

She laughed against his mouth and he delighted in feeling her quiver over him. "I would call that a mood killer, but I know what you mean. There was this one goodwill ambassador from Palaven that-"

He froze. A goodwill ambassador from his homeworld? That could only mean…

"Wait a minute." He looked at her intently, as if seeing her for the first time. "Am I...I'm not your first turian?"

It was odd to imagine Shepard dating someone else of his species. Scratch that. It was downright _insane_. Briefly he wondered if she had a fetish for his people and he waited patiently (more or less) to tell him otherwise.

"Well, I wasn't kidding when I said I liked to live dangerously, and this particular turian was all about danger." He noticed that she said the latter part a little dreamily and he resisted the urge to make a gagging noise. "But he was also fifteen different sides of jerk mixed with a hefty side of asshole. What we had ended a long time ago, and I'm glad he's just another story for another day. Now there's only you." (5)

He could tell that she was trying to placate him, but the urge to get a name and a history was almost too hard to resist. But he knew that if he did anymore prodding, she would shut down and their little session would be over. He didn't want it be over.

Still. His manly integrity was at stake.

"Want me to get all growly and jealous? 'Cause I sort of am."

She laughed again. A warm, comforting sound. "Trust me. There's no comparison. Besides, how do you think I feel? What with your long list of dangerous liaisons between intel officers and recon scouts?"

"Right," he said, derisively. "My looong list."

He was about to add something sarcastic when she wholly distracted him by reaching up to kiss his jaw. But something went wrong as he bent down at a skewed angle and her lips were caught between his teeth instead. A trickle of blood ran down.

"Shepard?"

She was doing the strangest thing. Her tongue darted out over the wound, which he now realized was only a small puncture. Slowly, she drew her fingers over the blood on her chin and reached over to brush it over the side of his face, glossing over the outline of his tattoo. The gesture was a deeply personal one, and he was cognizant enough to realize that she trusted him to a breathlessly unwavering degree.

Instantly, his talons flew to her uniform. His own movements so jerky and rushed that he was sure he would rip it off. Not that he'd mind.

But she did, apparently.

"No," she said, smiling.

"Can't I just…?"

"No, she said again.

He _really_ didn't want to beg.

"Shepard…"

She stood up.

"As much as I would really love to- and I do- I wouldn't want to break my own rules."

"You can't be serious," he said, still reeling from the loss of soft skin and lithe limbs.

"Oh, I'm dead serious." He recognized the tone in her voice as one that couldn't be argued with. "Another time, Vakarian."

She bent down to give him another kiss. Long and lingering.

"In the meantime, why don't you finish up running those diagnostics?"

He blinked disbelievingly as she disappeared through the exit.

* * *

Up next: The Basics Part 2: Touch and Go. Ah, the joys of second base….

Notes and References:

(1) The text from the French kissing guide was taken from random manuals I found on Google. Just in case any of that sounded familiar. Or if you're one few people who owns them. Feel free to send me a copy!

(2) If you didn't the "Jenna" reference, she's the Flux waitress from ME1. I figure that Kelly had to get her dancer's outfit from _somewhere._ Three guesses as to who the turian 'boyfriend' actually is. There'll be a quiz later.

(3) Shepard's whole sex Q & A ("do you actually know what happens to the human body during sex...did you know that human women can orgasm for up to an hour?") is actually a quote from House M.D.; Season 2: Ep.14: "Sex Kills." Remember kids, it does.

(4) One of Thane's initial character designs actually _was_ based on Jude Law!

(5) Shepard's previous manimal cracker was a turian too?! Who knew? I sure didn't.


	3. The Basics Part 2: Touch and Go

_Guess who's back?_

_Back again?_

_Thorn is back._

_Tell a friend!_

* * *

**Field Research**

The Basics Part 2: Touch and Go

* * *

"I need to ask you a favor," said Joker.

"This should be good," said Tali. "I hope it's not something devious like asking me to take a shower with some of the other female crewmembers." She crossed her arms. "Because I only have eyes for Shepard."

Joker replied with a blank look.

"Kelly told me."

"Goddamn it, Kelly."

Tali resisted the urge to eye-roll. "So what's this about?"

"Oh right," said Joker, his embarrassment instantly forgotten. "Operation Shepard's Clothing."

"Operation what?"

"Shhhhhhh."

He cracked his knuckles before turning to face his massive terminal. A few keystrokes later, the hardware that surrounded them began to power down while the exit to the main bridge sealed itself shut.

"This isn't suspicious or uncomfortable whatsoever," said Tali. "Oh wait. Yes, it is."

"Just hear me out," said Joker.

"You've got five seconds."

The expression on his face- like he was actually thinking before saying things aloud- made her nervous. Whatever he wanted looked like it was a matter life and death, which seemed to be a popular theme for those onboard the Normandy.

"I need you to pretend that you're sleeping with Garrus."

* * *

Shepard knew she wasn't alone.

Though for all intents and purposes, it might have looked that way.

She had come down to the main cargo hold to take inventory on supplies when suddenly, the lights flickered off. In the old movies, that was usually a telltale sign that there was a hostile alien in the room and she was Sigourney Weaver. Luckily, the back-up generators kicked in and she was able to find her way back to the entrance.

Which was locked.

Yep. Definitely not alone.

Though she had a pretty good idea as to who was in the room with her.

"I'll give you three guesses," said a familiar voice.

She hid a smirk before turning towards him.

"Damn," she said. "Definitely not Kaidan."

"Well there goes my ego," said Garrus as he emerged from the shadows looking none too pleased.

Hostile alien? Check.

"The hell are you doing, Vakarian?"

"Something stupid and out of character most like," he said. "Think of it as payback for yesterday."

"Payback?" she said with feign-innocence. "And here I thought you were over your whole vengeance thing."

"Hn. You're funny," said Garrus.

He stood in front of her now, the dull red glare of the back-up generators casting dark lines over the scarred contours of his face. But rather than finding him menacing, Shepard was only intrigued.

"So," she said, taking a step forward. "Why all the mysteriousness?"

She made a note of how far less mindful he seemed about their close proximity, whereas yesterday he seemed on the verge of having a panic attack. She had to admit, it was nice to think that she had left a good impression on him.

"I ah…need to ask you a favor," said Garrus.

"This should be good."

"Yea," he said softly, his talons reaching out to brush her shoulder. "You might not want to do it though." His voice dropped to a much lower octave. "It could put you in a compromising position."

_He sure learns fast_, thought Shepard. _Not that I'm complaining._

"And what would that be?"

"See, there's this game that humans play." Although turians didn't smile, she could almost hear the predatory grin in his voice. "I think you call it…strip poker?"

* * *

"Don't shoot," said Joker as he cowered back in his chair. "I'm crippled so it wouldn't be fair!"

For a moment, Tali didn't reply. She only continued to stare at Joker in that unnerving way that quarians did from behind their visors, their expressions completely hidden from the discerning eyes of the non-quarians around them. Then she dropped her arms as Joker braced himself.

"I'm going back to bed."

"Tali! Wait!"

She didn't.

* * *

"Strip poker? Are you serious?"

"Um. No?"

She tiled to her head to the side. "So what's this really about, Archangel?"

Ok. He'll bite.

"Well for one, you owe me," he said, shaking a talon at her. "Doesn't matter what species I am, doing that to a man and leaving him high and dry was just cruel. Even for you."

She shrugged. "I thought it was funny."

"Yea, downright hilarious. Still…" He edged closer. "You _really_ hurt my feelings."

She snorted.

"C'mon Shepherd."

It was probably the closest he could get to puppy dog eyes.

She regarded him thoughtfully. "Alright. I'm sorry."

He opened his mouth as if to start another argument, but then stopped.

"That was unexpected," he said. "So, why _did _you leave me high and dry yesterday? I thought we were having fun."

"I like keeping you on your toes," she said. "I mean you were so cute I couldn't help it."

"Excuse me?"

"Tough and masculine. Very masculine."

"Did you enjoy it at least?"

She tried to avoid looking exasperated- mostly because it wouldn't do her any good since turians didn't recognize that expression. "Garrus, as much as your insecurity makes you even more attractive, you need to get over it."

"Just wanted to make sure that you were still aware that you've got less hard and scaly options." He winced. "I really hope that that didn't sound as off-putting as it I think it did."

"Whoever said that 'hard and scaly' didn't turn me on? But you probably already knew that."

"Yea. I just wanted to get you to say it."

"Extortionist," she quipped.

He shook his head. "You are really something else, Shepard."

"Are we done reaffirming my commitment to you? Because there are still Reapers out there and stuff-"

"Just one more question."

She sighed.

"Last night you said that you've been with another turian before we met. So…who was he?"

A very awkward pause.

"Oh right. That."

* * *

It became apparent to Tali that Joker was in the grips of a terrible brain fever, and it would be in her best interest to remove herself from his vicinity so that she wouldn't fall to its debilitating effects.

"Open this door," she said as she stood in front of the exit.

"Tali, you don't understand," said Joker. "My manly dignity is _literally_ on the line. This is about pride. This is about honor. This. Is. Sparta!"

"See, this is why the rest of the galaxy has problems with the human race."

"You didn't even listen to what I had to say!"

Good God. He was pouting.

"Stop doing that."

For some reason, he interpreted that as a cue to continue being ridiculous.

"See, it when I made a bet with Donnelly-"

"Oh, for the love of-" Her face met the inside of her palm.

"See, he thinks that Shepard is 'playing the piano' Garrus. Which she is. Kind of. I don't really know all the details. I couldn't get anything solid from the surveillance vids-"

"You were _spying_ on them?"

"Long story short, if I don't convince Donnelly otherwise this all might very well end with Grunt forcibly removing my testicles then serving them on next week's lunch menu."

"I don't understand. Why me?"

Joker threw up his hands. "What other options do I have Tali? I mean, I haven't even _seen_ a female turian, let alone met one! Who else would I ask? Jack? Miranda? I don't know them! They're not 'family'!"

"What about Kelly?" said Tali. "As a psychological profiler, she would know Garrus almost as much as Shepard would."

"I- yea, I guess that would make sense," he hedged, reddening. "But she would never go for it."

"Oh and _I _would?"

"Because you're the nice one!"

"Ugh, remind me never to talk to you ever again. It's like arguing with an infant!"

"Oh c'mon Tali! Think of my testicles!"

"You did _not_ just say that."

"Alright fine," said Joker. "Be that way. I guess you really _don't _want to see the message vid that Kal'Reeger sent you last night."

A message vid? From Kal'Reeger?

She hadn't thought about the iron-willed marine since her disastrous mission on Haestrom. In fact, she hadn't been able to keep much contact with anyone in the flotilla since her equally disastrous "trial" under the Admiralty Board.

"Yep. Intercepted by yours truly." He grinned victoriously. "I didn't want to use this as a trump card, but now I assuming you're at least up for negotiation?"

"You little bastard." She spat in her own language.

"Thank you," said Joker. "So here's what I'm offering…"

"Guys?"

They jumped. Or rather, Tali started and Joker brandished a nearby datapad at the would-be intruder.

But it was just Kelly.

How did she manage to bypass the security lock? They wondered. And more importantly, why did she look so distraught? It was a terribly incongruous expression on the normally chirpy yeoman.

"Hey, Kelly?" said Joker, frowning. "You okay?"

She bit her lip. "Where's Shepard? I need to talk to her."

* * *

This was odd, thought Garrus. He'd never seen Shepard so evasive before. Or ever, come to think of it.

"Well it's not anyone you know."

"Yea not good enough," said Garrus in his best interrogator voice. All those years in C-Sec had to account for something after all. "You owe me, remember?"

She sighed. "Fine. Cliffnotes version: once upon a time, I met a turian in basic training. He was stationed at the same facility as part of an asari peace ambassador's program to build ties between humans and turians, post-First Contact/Relay 314. We each had to pair up and everyone pretty much hated each other. But he and I actually got along fine because weirdly enough, we had a lot in common. Eventually, the program was scrapped. Too much animosity. Then we parted ways. No happily ever after required. The end."

Obviously, Shepard was omitting a lot of details. The more important question was why. If they had so much in common, why would he walk away? Or was she the one to walk away? Still, he felt it was better for him not to pry. Especially since there were much better ways to get her talking.

Her lips curled. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I don't know," said Garrus, "All this talk about past boyfriends-"

"He was _not_ my boyfriend."

"It's kind of making me a little possessive."

"Oh. Just a little?"

He pressed herself against her, both of his arms barring her against the cold wall.

He whispered in her. "Just a tad. I might have to mark my territory."

"I hope not in the way_ I'm_ thinking…"

"How's this?"

His hot tongue ran along the whorl of her ear, her gasp tapering off into a soft 'mmmm" as he wound his tongue in slow circles. He could feel her grow hotter, the skin on her neck and cheeks flushing.

_That was a good sign, right? _

She threw a leg over his hip.

_Right._

Suddenly, her hands flew over his chest. Her fingers working over the zipper of his suit and suddenly it was yesterday all over again- except he didn't feel as clumsy and inadequate. For once, he was able to shove those feelings aside and trust his instincts. And while his instincts didn't have the best track record as of late, he had a feeling that at the very least he was onto something here.

He began nibbling on her earlobe- careful to mind his sharp teeth.

She threw her head back and gasped.

It was a good thing he left his armor off today, otherwise this little encounter would be just short of unbearable…

He could feel her leg slipping and he dropped one his arms to hook her around him. Her pelvis ground into his and she turned her face to meet his eyes. The fingers that were working over his zipper slipped lower and lower…then…

His breath caught.

_Oh hell._

The door blasted off its hinges.

It was Jack.

To her credit, the former Purgatory inmate only wore a mild look of surprise as she visually confirmed that yes, her commander _was _indeed glued to the hips of the Normandy's most broody turian.

"So turian huh? Been there, done that."

Garrus pressed his forehead into Shepard's neck. "Why am I not surprised?"

Reluctantly, he peeled himself off.

"For Chrissake's, Jack," said Shepard.

"Hey I'm not the one using the cargo hold like it's a high school janitor's closet. But hey, I won't judge. Out loud, anyway." She leaned against the scuffed doorframe. "Just wanted to let you know that Miss Priss wants you on the bridge. Something about her cousin."

* * *

It had been four weeks since Kelly's cousin Jenna filed a missing report on her boyfriend. Although the former barmaid needn't have bothered since it looked like every C-Sec affiliated precinct already knew. Probably because Jenna's boyfriend also happened to be the one and only Executor Chellick. (1)

" 'Will wonders never cease?' I think is how the expression goes," said Garrus as they stood outside the door that led to Jenna's apartment- the apartment that she had apparently been sharing with Chellick a few months after Sarren put a bullet in his head.

Shepard cast him a sideways glance. "What? A human and a turian entering a serious relationship? Imagine that."

"How serious are we talking here? About them, I mean?"

"Kelly said they've been living together for over two years now."

Garrus whistled. Or the turian equivalent thereof. "You know I never figured Chellick to be the type to go for a human. He always seemed like one of those conservative types; followed a lot of rules, observed a lot of traditions."

"Well you know us humans and our wily powers of seduction," said Shepard. "No one in the galaxy's safe."

"I hear that," said Garrus. He shook his head. "I still can't get over what happened in the cargo hold. I mean, what the hell?"

Shepard brushed her shoulder against his.

"Don't worry. I'll make it up to you later."

Inner-Garrus did a happy dance. "You think Jack will talk?"

"You think Jack actually cares?"

"Maybe."

"If you want I could have a talk with her," said Shepard. "Right now I'm more worried about Chellick. This whole thing gives me a bad vibe."

"You don't have to tell me," said Garrus. "The political implications alone are enough to throw the Council into a fit."

The door to the apartment swung open to reveal a red-eyed and exhausted looking Jenna.

"Thank God you're here."

* * *

It felt strange to enter Chellick's apartment without him being there. Granted, he and Garrus were never close outside of work but he had been over a once or twice for drinks with some of the other officers. Although those times were few and far between, he still recognized the wine on the kitchen counter as one of Chellick's favorites. Briefly, he wondered how Chellick and Jenna split their grocery bill between dextro-amino and levo-amino based foods.

"Sorry if I'm a little on edge," said Jenna. "I thought you might have been one of those press people that have been harassing me."

"I hate reporters," said Shepard.

They sat on the couch.

"I know this is sudden," said Jenna. "I didn't even think about contacting you, but when Kelly mentioned your name-"

"Don't worry about it," said Shepard. "Now, can you tell me a little bit about your relationship with Chellick?"

"What's there to say?" said Jenna. "We care a lot about each other"

"Can you elaborate?" said Shepard.

"How did you two meet?" said Garrus, who was genuinely interested in their relationship.

"We met up again after the sting in Chora's Den," Jenna began. "When I came back to Flux, Chellick came over to apologize and he told me that he never apologizes- let alone to a human." She laughed. "For a second, I thought he was drunk. Sometimes I wonder if you had anything to do with that, Shepard."

Shepard didn't acknowledge that, but Garrus noticed the corner of her mouth lift ever so slightly.

"Anyway, he offered to buy me a drink that night and I thought, 'Well, that's the end of it'. But then he stopped by again the next night… and the night after that. Pretty soon, he became one of my regulars. I should have known what he was up to then because he said nightclubs weren't really his scene. So when he asked me out to dinner, I nearly dropped all the shot glasses I was holding." She smiled. "Then sometime later, he invited me over to his place. Then I invited him over to mine. Now we live together. Or at least we did until…you know."

"I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you," said Shepard. "This is usually the part where I ask if there was anyone you knew that wanted to cause trouble, but given his high-profile position in the Citadel…"

Jenna nodded. "Yea, Chellick didn't have a lot of people he could trust. Not even most of the people he worked with."

"That's a surprise," said Garrus. "I always thought Chellick got along well with everybody. I figured that that was how he advanced to Executor in the first place."

"That's true," said Jenna. "But whatever popularity he gained when he became Executor quickly diminished after our relationship became public."

Garrus and Shepard exchanged looks.

"It was that damn reporter. You know the one," said Jenna. "Chellick once told me turians were generally open-minded when it came to someone's personal life. But when they found out that Chellick was in a serious relationship with a human….it just rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. It also gave a lot of ammunition for anti-human politicians like Joram Talid."

"I knew I never should have let that one go," said Shepard, recalling her last mission concerning Thane's errant son.

"Really? I thought that you might have been the one to do him in."

Shepard frowned. "Come again?"

"You mean you don't know? Joram Talid was assassinated two weeks ago. That was the last case that Chellick was investigating before he went missing."

Garrus cast Shepard an inquiring glance.

"Well shit," she said.

* * *

**Notes:**

1) Congrats to _Just-another-freak-a-geek_ who guessed that Jenna's boyfriend was indeed Executor Chellick. And yes he is the awesome On that note, I know that there is a strong possibility that Chellick succeeding Pallin as Executor may not even be canonical. But I'm going to take a liberty with this, just for the sake of the story.

2) The plot thickens and so does the sexual tension between two very specific characters in the next installment of **Field Research: The Basics Part 3: Hard Tricks.** Sorry for the long wait and thanks for sticking around!


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